I cried myself to sleep last night... Crying because it wasn't me he was sleeping next to or waking up with. This relationship has hit me 10 ton wreaking ball; knocked me flat on my ass!
So I sent him a text after a restless night of tossing & turning, saying sadness is something I don't want in our friendship. I'm sorry I fell so hard & I can't deny the fact I love him. I asked him to stop staying with other women or I had to back away in order to protect myself from more heartache. I told him I'm ok with random hook-ups, which I really mean. Sex is sex after all. But I can't stand the thought of sharing him intimately with someone.
In my marriage I heard I'm not good enough.. In my affair he fucked me one hour & asked his girlfriend to marry him the next. I have never felt I'm someones everything. I want love.. I want passion.. I want trust.. I want respect.. I want it all and will not settle for less from now on.
So it comes down to my fear of pushing him away is overshadowed by my fear of falling back into old patterns. I will fight & I may lose him but in the long run I will find more of myself in the process.
2 comments:
You shouldn't settle for less - and I think you are absolutely right in rejecting problematic patterns. Very well said!
Thanks, Kimberly
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