A letter....

An open letter…

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, thanks for always being my friend. I know we’ll always have a connection. I do love you & I thought I could never love a woman.

I really hate you. I hate you for all the years of verbal abusive. When I say I have forgiven you & I can work on our marriage, I’m lying. I still love you but I hate who you have been. Yes I had sex with him & it was the best I ever had Oh & YES I have faked it with you.. more often then not!

Yes I fell totally head over heels in love with you.. I mean totally.. Crazy love.. I think about you the minute I wake up until I fall asleep & then I still dream about you. I want to be the person who fixes your breakfast. I hate your wife when she calls & bitches about the stupid stuff you do. I want to your wife to annoy. I get sad when I think of the memories we shared & I wonder if you still think about me.

I’m sorry all the years of watching your dad treat me bad has given you mistrust in men. Please know not all men are like that. You’re such a beautiful girl & I feel so bad you can’t see yourself the way I do.

& finally to my younger-self, Stand up to him, you’re not worthless & he’s not the best you can get.