JO

So he's coming over for dinner on Friday night.. We started out talking about lunch this week & somehow it turned into dinner at my house Friday.. Oh my!!!!

Update

Time speeds by like an old lady late for a bingo game. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while dear readers, please forgive me.


I’m still mourning the loss of JO & have meant someone & I’m not where it should go & I feel bad for getting into something when my head is clearly some where else & so lonely at night & …

& the soon-to-be EX was sitting in my car last night when I got off work... I freaked the fucked out & he called it over reacting. I’m scared to death & now any white car I see I think it’s his... Oh & check this out, his crazy ass mother has started going over my head or around my back & calling MY family to see if they would do something about me leaving her sweet darling son... GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!! I’m one crazier act away from getting a restraining order on them both!

So the new guy… Funny as hell, sexy & very mellow. Two things I need to come to terms with one being he smokes & if I would have known this sooner I most likely wouldn’t have returned his email & the second being he has a small child, which he was upfront about from the start. I thought ok single dad, he can have fun & I could not get involved. Wrong! The last two weekends we have spent together & we’re becoming close… Crap! Do I run or do I stay?

I just realized this post has more personal info then I ever meant to write. Oh well… if he finds this so be it!

Sex.. then no sex & hoping for sex!

It's been a while since I've had sex... early November. I think it's the longest I've gone. Don't get me wrong I could go find it, go on the hunt.. Seek out my prey. But that does not my mood or frame of mind. I want chemistry.. Lust.. I have been talking with two guys & each has something totally different to offer.. But I still have a void. They don't energize me like JO did.. Speaking of which, he said he'll call tonight & catch-up but between us, I'm not holding my breath. Maybe I should take his pictures off my screen saver, put away the blankets we used on dates, the candles.. But I'm having a hard time, I want to remember what can be & what I hope to find again.. Fuck I'm such a pathetic sap!

Sex.. I want it, yes! Will a settle for less to get it, no!

I need new batteries!

I'm really bad with names.. So don't tell me your name, just _____ me!

IM handles... Screen names... Code names... Real names

I can't keep them straight. I'm trying to find a playmate again & I'm really bad at keeping names to the person. I thought I'd be cute & try to give everyone a nickname & that didn't work.. So I guess if I can remember your screen name & then your real name & then keep the two linked in my brain, you're doing good & made an impression! 

xoxo Just Me

JO.. I guess I've been downgraded

[ME] Since u didn't text me back I'm going to assume you're dead, do you like roses or lilies? Aside from your being dead, I hope you have a good day.
[HIM] lol.. I can't manage multiple friends very well I guess! Sorry.. I'm good and how are you?
[ME] Things are good.. Work is getting busy & I had a blind date over the weekend. U didn't seem like your self last time we talked on the phone, so I was just concerned & wanted to check in..  If u need to talk you know where to find me. I'll leave the ball in your court...


So that's it & that's where I'm leaving it. Thanks for the ride; it's been real! So so sad as you know, I had such high hopes for this relationship.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.. XOXO

I need to remember I have a lot to be thankful for & all that has been going on in my life is very small when you look at the bigger picture! I need to stop being bitter... I fell in love & had amazing sex, damn it! He had a choice & it wasn't me. His loss! Fuck him!

So today.. I'm thankful for my loyal friends, family, my great kid, my health & a job.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving & remembers to breath!

Blogging in no particular order...

Please be patient with me & my ramblings... These last few months have been a whirlwind of ups and downs & I'm trying to come to term with my past mistakes choices. Because can the really be mistakes if I learned something about myself in the process?

I've slept with people I shouldn't have, I allowed myself to be talk into situations & I didn't voice my needs often enough! I'm not self-assured so why should anyone have confidence in what I say?

One thing I know is I'm not blinding following my heart again. For years my heart kept telling me I loved him even tho the verbal abusive would not stop. My heart told me the affair was best for me & he really loved me. And just A month ago it told me he was worthy of my love & I would be loved in return. Now looking back to everyone of those relationships my brain was screaming.. Get the fuck out & save yourself! I guess I'm a hopeless romantic.

Will I be happy being single? I'm scared! But I know it's a question I need the answer to... I love love & hope I find it for myself!