Nightly Thoughts...

I realized last night no man in my life has deserved my undying loyalty; not one single soul. My husband was a controlling verbally abusive ass, so I had an affair. JO was seeing another girl while he was seeing me so I had a right to see other people. For both of them I would have gladly given up any man if I felt secure, but I didn't. I want one man to be my everything & they didn't deserve it! I want to be someones everything & I'm scared of falling in love again.
I'm sick of sex for the sake of just sex. I want loyalty & security above all else! I want to know where my body will be at night & with whom.
The guy manchild I had the affair with recently got in touch with me & I gladly told him NEVER again! Plus one for me. My husband the guy the court of law says I'm still married with puts the moves on me almost every-time I see him & turn him away. Plus two for me! I guess it's a good start considering I'm so fucking lonely. Now if only I'd be able to get JO out of my freaking dreams!