Kinks, They Aren't a Fetish

What is a fetish? Traditionally, it was a thing, action, etc that was the ONLY thing that would get you off. You could NOT have an orgasm, achieve an erection, or just have a darn good time without it. So, the word of the day is "kink." You can have a lot of kinks. A lot of little dents in your soul. A lot of things that can equal hightened pleasure. You don't HAVE to have your kink to have a good time, but they are nice to have around. Sure, vanilla sex is GREAT with the right person, but a night of naughty pleasures with a friend can be sense melting fun. You may like a girl in a schoolgirl skirt, but it isn't a fetish. It is a kink.

Most people think of kinks as fetishes. "Oh, she likes to be whipped, and that is the only way she'll come, she is sick"… well, she may like to be spanked really hard once in awhile, but it isn't her ONLY way to get off (you gotta give a girl's ass time to cool off too). It is just an added spice. A variety. Some peanut butter mixed in her chocolate.

By putting time inbetween kinks, it makes them more special. Maybe you like to dress in your lover's clothes… well, not everyone wants to do that every night. What makes it special is when it is done spur of the moment or on a special occasion.

There are all sorts of kinks that people dabble in without it becoming their lifestyle or fetish. S&M, crossdressing, food play, role play, role reversal, strap-ons, infantalism, bisexual exploration, golden showers, swinging, secret trysts, age play, threesomes, voyeurism, toys, public sex, imitating porn, feet, a new lover like none you've had before, etc. I am only going to touch on a couple of these today.

You may have a lover who wants to try one or all of these things, or YOU may want to try these things (or do them again). Many kinks can easily be intruduced as a playful thing into most healthy relationships (threesomes and secret lovers, etc put to the side for now). Very light S & M is easy…. pretend to be tied up, or pretend to tie them up, if they go along, break out a scarf or socks or whatever. Try lightly spanking them, then say "now me" and giggle. Make it FUN, and if it starts to get you off, then say so, "Damn, that is so hot, keep doing THAT!" You may find your partner hates getting spanked, but loves the way that you scream in delight for it.

Role playing. Most of us have used or heard the word "Daddy" used during sex…. as taboo as it seems, this does tend to get a lot of people going. Family play is one of the biggest taboos to be discussed with a partner. It is pretty hard to say "Tonight, you are going to be my little boy, and I'm going to be your Mommy, and I am going to teach you about the birds and the bees…" Well, it may not be hard for some of you. LOL. BUT, saying "Harder, Daddy!" can be a little easier to say. Saying, "Oh, Mommy," on the other hand… eh… could be awkward depending on how open your partner is to new ideas.

Strap-ons. Here is a shocker, most guys like to have their ass played with. In my experience, I have noticed this quite a lot. Now, many of them will gladly let you finger or lick it, but if you come barging out of the bathroom with a 12 inch dildo strapped on saying, "bend over bitch," you may scare the crap out of them (and that would be messy). So, try the fingering first… during a blow job is a great time to try, Or, let your tongue travel down there. Listen to those moans, are they getting louder? Next step, a vibrator. You may be surprised when they start pushing against it. If they like it, then you can whisper, "Mmm, I wish I had a cock so I could be inside you right now." Don't try to act masculine though. Unless you know they are bicurious or you know they would like that, but even then, the whole chick-with-a-dick thing is still a big fantasy.

Do you want to see your lover wear your clothes? Do you want to wear theirs? Make it a fun game at first. Women can get away with it easily. Woman have been borrowing men's shirts for years (and underwear too), but some might not know that you want to see that. What do you do if you are a woman who wants to see their man feminized? While in foreplay, remove their clothes, and then take off your underwear or panties. Rub the garment up and down their legs. Rub their crotch with it. Place it over them, like you are comparing. Whisper, "it would really turn me on/ make me wet if you let me put these on you." Then giggle and smile. You may get the "whatever" look while they proceed to other things, but if they let you, make it worth their while. Touch them through the material kiss them. Tell them how hot they look. Maybe even keep them on for the whole session. This can eventually lead to the, "Go take a shower, and I will lay out an outfit for you to come to bed in" kind of nights…

Some things you will NOT get your lover into. If you love feet, feel free to worship theirs, but don't expect them to worship yours back. They may do it to please you, but you'll be able to tell if they aren't really into it. DON'T force things that your lover is uncomfortable with. If you want to diaper them and treat them like a baby (or vice versa), they may love it, but you may also forever lose a lover (especially if you start to "use" the diaper and they are not into that, ha ha). Overall, most people will understand that you want to try something new. Many will gladly or hesitantly go along. Everyone should be comfortable with saying, "Stop. I don't want to do this anymore." You can introduce a safe word for when you are just not into it at all. "I'm sorry honey, banana split," and then the play stops without any arguments.

As I said, these are the once in awhile pleasures. The desserts in life. Have fun introducing a new pleasure tonight, next week, or next year.